[AU] 8x07 Aftermath 'CAUSE WE CAN!!!

[jerkchester]

[ it's night and Dean is coping ]

[ with alcohol ]

Comments

[freewill]

Anything else I should know about?

[jerkchester]

Sam got a dog and a lady-friend, but he hasn't said much about either to me.

[freewill]

And you haven't said much to him about Purgatory, I imagine.

[jerkchester]

What's there to say?

[freewill]

[nods and shrugs, because it's true]

[jerkchester]

There's no point giving him baggage over it.

[freewill]

I doubt that will stop him from asking you about it.

[jerkchester]

Yeah, I'm not getting my hopes up.

[freewill]

... I'm surprised he's not back yet.

[jerkchester]

I'm not.

[freewill]

...?

[jerkchester]

He probably figured out we needed alone ranting time.

[freewill]

... I see.

[jerkchester]

[turning the bottle in his hands]

I can't tell what's worse. Knowing it's not my fault or knowing...

[freewill]

[lower his head into his hand, sighs]

You avoided the truth. So... that must be worse.

[jerkchester]

[laughs, bitter and strung-out]

Yeah. What the fuck was I thinking, expecting someone to hold onto me?

[freewill]

... It wasn't about you, Dean. I mean that.

[jerkchester]

It was about your fucking penance, I heard.

[freewill]

[gets up and walks over to where Dean is sitting. he places a hand on Dean's shoulder, that shoulder.]

I mean it. Your safety mattered to me more than anything. So pushing you into the portal, it wasn't a rejection. It was to make sure you didn't try and stay behind with me.

[jerkchester]

And I'm supposed to be, what, grateful?

[freewill]

No. It's just difficult for me to comprehend that you'd think you were ever unimportant to me.

[jerkchester]

...

[freewill]

[lifts his hand up and lets it linger in the air, as if he wants to put it somewhere else...]

[jerkchester]

[quiet]

We could have done it.

[freewill]

I didn't think I deserved it.

... Deserved you.