[AU] 8x07 Aftermath 'CAUSE WE CAN!!!

[jerkchester]

[ it's night and Dean is coping ]

[ with alcohol ]

Comments

[jerkchester]

So what? I mean, Cas, really? Like we don't have that kind of crap on us anyway? When has that stopped us from saving each other?

[freewill]

... In any case, I'm here now.

[jerkchester]

I'd throw you a party but you might leave in the middle.

[freewill]

... What's that supposed to mean?

[jerkchester]

[chuckles, tired]

It means you sound like me.

[freewill]

Well, we were down there for months.

[jerkchester]

Why are you here, Cas? I mean, really. Just... you couldn't have made any more fucking clear that you don't want to be here.

[freewill]

... If you think that, then you misunderstood me.

[jerkchester]

[bitter]

Yeah, I seem to be doing that a lot lately.

[freewill]

[frowns]

... It's true that I wanted to stay there. That was what I deserved. But now that I'm here, I... can't think of another place I could be, but with you and Sam.

[jerkchester]

You're a dick, Cas.

[freewill]

[..... OKAY]

[jerkchester]

All this time. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't stop thinking about it... and after everything I said, it just didn't matter to you.

[freewill]

[stands up sharply]

Of course it mattered, Dean. But my own wishes matter too.

[jerkchester]

Mine didn't! You dragged me out of Hell with force! I was a fucking wreck! You do not get to say that!

[freewill]

You wanted to stay there?

[jerkchester]

You wanted to stay in Purgatory!

[freewill]

I'm asking about you.

[jerkchester]

You already know the answer to that.

[freewill]

Dean, I didn't know then. I didn't know that I needed to ask first.

[jerkchester]

[bows his head, his fingers curling around his ears]

Shut up.

[freewill]

...

[jerkchester]

You chose Purgatory over me. Over us. And somehow this is okay for you. Like you keep talking about it like it's okay and I can't--I can't think about it ever being okay. This is not okay, this is ...like ripping me to shreds.

[freewill]

I told you, Dean. I'm not your responsibility.

[jerkchester]

It's not about fucking responsibility, it's about the fact that my goddamn family won't come home to me!