[AU] 8x07 Aftermath 'CAUSE WE CAN!!!

[jerkchester]

[ it's night and Dean is coping ]

[ with alcohol ]

Comments

[jerkchester]

Fuck you. [getting up, hurried] If you don't want to be here, then just fucking leave! Nothing's stopping you, right? It's not like you give a shit about me!

[freewill]

Dean! You know that's not true.

[jerkchester]

Then why the hell did you put me through that? Goddamnit, Cas, all--all I wanted to do was save you.

[freewill]

... [looks down at his lap]

I know. But when we were down there... all I could feel was that it was right for me to be there.

[jerkchester]

And you think I don't know what that's like? You think I haven't been there?

You said I didn't think I deserved to be saved. That I lacked faith. I had faith. But you didn't.

[freewill]

... It's easier to have faith in someone else, than in yourself.

[jerkchester]

I guess it was too much to ask that you have faith in me.

[freewill]

I have faith in you. I knew you would do whatever it took to get us out. But I also had the will, my own will, to remain behind. I belonged there, Dean.

[jerkchester]

You're not a monster, Cas!

[freewill]

...

[jerkchester]

Oh, don't you fucking dare.

[freewill]

[shakes his head]

It doesn't matter. I'm here now, so I'll try to do some good.

[jerkchester]

Awesome.

[filling up another glass, cannot deal]

[freewill]

... [watches him]

Don't you see? It doesn't seem like I fit here, does it.

[jerkchester]

[staring fixedly at the wall]

We're not a jigsaw puzzle. Nobody fits, not really. We just pretend we do and make it work. I said I'd rather have you. I meant that.

[freewill]

... [quiet for a while]

I just don't understand why.

[jerkchester]

[winces]

[freewill]

After everything I did...

[jerkchester]

So what? I mean, Cas, really? Like we don't have that kind of crap on us anyway? When has that stopped us from saving each other?

[freewill]

... In any case, I'm here now.

[jerkchester]

I'd throw you a party but you might leave in the middle.

[freewill]

... What's that supposed to mean?

[jerkchester]

[chuckles, tired]

It means you sound like me.

[freewill]

Well, we were down there for months.

[jerkchester]

Why are you here, Cas? I mean, really. Just... you couldn't have made any more fucking clear that you don't want to be here.