jerkchester | [AU] 8x07 Aftermath 'CAUSE WE CAN!!!

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[AU] 8x07 Aftermath 'CAUSE WE CAN!!!

[ it's night and Dean is coping ]

[ with alcohol ]

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...

Oh, don't you fucking dare.

[shakes his head]

It doesn't matter. I'm here now, so I'll try to do some good.

Awesome.

[filling up another glass, cannot deal]

... [watches him]

Don't you see? It doesn't seem like I fit here, does it.

[staring fixedly at the wall]

We're not a jigsaw puzzle. Nobody fits, not really. We just pretend we do and make it work. I said I'd rather have you. I meant that.

... [quiet for a while]

I just don't understand why.

[winces]

After everything I did...

So what? I mean, Cas, really? Like we don't have that kind of crap on us anyway? When has that stopped us from saving each other?

... In any case, I'm here now.

I'd throw you a party but you might leave in the middle.

... What's that supposed to mean?

[chuckles, tired]

It means you sound like me.

Well, we were down there for months.

Why are you here, Cas? I mean, really. Just... you couldn't have made any more fucking clear that you don't want to be here.

... If you think that, then you misunderstood me.

[bitter]

Yeah, I seem to be doing that a lot lately.

[frowns]

... It's true that I wanted to stay there. That was what I deserved. But now that I'm here, I... can't think of another place I could be, but with you and Sam.

You're a dick, Cas.

[..... OKAY]

All this time. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't stop thinking about it... and after everything I said, it just didn't matter to you.

[stands up sharply]

Of course it mattered, Dean. But my own wishes matter too.

Mine didn't! You dragged me out of Hell with force! I was a fucking wreck! You do not get to say that!

You wanted to stay there?

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