[AU] 8x07 Aftermath 'CAUSE WE CAN!!!

[jerkchester]

[ it's night and Dean is coping ]

[ with alcohol ]

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[freewill]

[stands up sharply]

Of course it mattered, Dean. But my own wishes matter too.

[jerkchester]

Mine didn't! You dragged me out of Hell with force! I was a fucking wreck! You do not get to say that!

[freewill]

You wanted to stay there?

[jerkchester]

You wanted to stay in Purgatory!

[freewill]

I'm asking about you.

[jerkchester]

You already know the answer to that.

[freewill]

Dean, I didn't know then. I didn't know that I needed to ask first.

[jerkchester]

[bows his head, his fingers curling around his ears]

Shut up.

[freewill]

...

[jerkchester]

You chose Purgatory over me. Over us. And somehow this is okay for you. Like you keep talking about it like it's okay and I can't--I can't think about it ever being okay. This is not okay, this is ...like ripping me to shreds.

[freewill]

I told you, Dean. I'm not your responsibility.

[jerkchester]

It's not about fucking responsibility, it's about the fact that my goddamn family won't come home to me!

[freewill]

You got back to Sam. That's what mattered.

[jerkchester]

You are a great bag of dicks, Cas.

[slamming his bottle down and leaving, slamming the door behind him]

[freewill]

[Dean, you are the most mature! Castiel follows right after him.]

[jerkchester]

[kicks down a dustbin, frustrated, unable to take it out on anything, breathing heavily]

Fuck off, Cas.

[freewill]

[Just. Standing there.]

[jerkchester]

I said get lost.

[freewill]

[Scrubs his hand down his face.]

Dean, I'm trying to understand.

[jerkchester]

You're not. And you know what? I prefer my version of events now. It beats knowing you'd pick Hell over me.

[freewill]

Dean, that wasn't--

[jerkchester]

Wasn't what? How you planned it? No, you thought me and Sam, we were just gonna forget about it? Move on? Because we're so good at that, right?

I didn't, you know. I never did for a second and I hate myself for holding onto someone who never wanted it to begin with.

[freewill]

I wanted you safe. That's all I wanted.

[jerkchester]

Well, I wanted you!

[jerkchester]

Looks like we both struck out.