[AU] 8x07 Aftermath 'CAUSE WE CAN!!!

[jerkchester]

[ it's night and Dean is coping ]

[ with alcohol ]

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[freewill]

Meaning what?

[jerkchester]

Meaning keep this up and we'll have nothing left to teach you, my young padawan.

[freewill]

[blinks blearily at him]

[jerkchester]

Forget it. Just--forget it.

[freewill]

There wasn't much time to learn down there.

[jerkchester]

I was there!

[freewill]

... Can I ask what happened to Benny?

[jerkchester]

He's fine. Coping.

[freewill]

Sam knows?

[jerkchester]

Yeah, he knows. Not happy about it, but he knows.

[freewill]

[nods]

So know we... hunt things, keep an eye out for the other half of the tablet and that's that. Correct?

[jerkchester]

[his voice is tight]

That's that.

[freewill]

...

You're certain you don't mind my being here?

[jerkchester]

That's hilarious, considering that I spent my entire time in Purgatory fighting to free your sorry ass and now you're asking?

[freewill]

I'm here now despite my best efforts. I may as well spend it by your side.

[jerkchester]

Fuck you. [getting up, hurried] If you don't want to be here, then just fucking leave! Nothing's stopping you, right? It's not like you give a shit about me!

[freewill]

Dean! You know that's not true.

[jerkchester]

Then why the hell did you put me through that? Goddamnit, Cas, all--all I wanted to do was save you.

[freewill]

... [looks down at his lap]

I know. But when we were down there... all I could feel was that it was right for me to be there.

[jerkchester]

And you think I don't know what that's like? You think I haven't been there?

You said I didn't think I deserved to be saved. That I lacked faith. I had faith. But you didn't.

[freewill]

... It's easier to have faith in someone else, than in yourself.

[jerkchester]

I guess it was too much to ask that you have faith in me.

[freewill]

I have faith in you. I knew you would do whatever it took to get us out. But I also had the will, my own will, to remain behind. I belonged there, Dean.

[jerkchester]

You're not a monster, Cas!

[freewill]

...